Love

Today is Tu b’Av, the Jewish “Valentine’s “day. Its the time to acknowledge all things related to love. Love can be very nebulous. We know it when we see it. Its that warm feeling we get through our bodies when we are with our beloveds. But it’s more than that. Love can be for a partner, for our child, for our pet, for our family members and for our friends. Most of all it can be with a Universal Higher Source- many would call that God.

When we are in relationship with the other, it can be messy. After all, how many times do we tell our partner or child to pick up after themselves or to do something we want them to do. What happens when they don’t do it. We get angry with them. This is a normal progression of any relationship.

When the other gets sick, what do we do? We worry especially now more than ever. Constriction happens. We feel a tightening in our chest. It becomes difficult to breathe. Interesting that some people report these symptoms of covid.But hopefully, we do everything we can to help the other.

During the time of covid, some of us are blessed to be with our beloveds including pets. But some of us are separated by distance and by sheltering in place. Fearing we might catch the virus or even worse giving it to the people we love. Recently, I read of a young man in Scotland who woke up from a coma. He had contracted the virus and was put in a medical induced coma. A ventilator was inserted to help him breathe. When he woke up, he was told that his entire family had died of the virus. He had given the virus to his mom suffering from dementia and his dad.

We began 2020 with the notion that love meant giving a beloved affection- hugs, holding hands. We woke up in March to find that those gestures would likely kill someone we cared about or would kill us. Humans are adaptable. We can find away to express our love to our beloveds. We have to find a way through generosity and creativity,

But what happens when our beloved dies. How do we go on when it feels like a part of us has been ripped apart? It might feel as if the ground has been taken away from us. I often tell my clients that grief is like entering a new country. We have to learn the new language, the new terrain and the new culture. But eventually we do it. Each day it gets a little easier.

Then it doesn’t and then it does. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, the noted psychologist, said there are several stages we go through. She believed that we go through these stages in a linear fashion. But in truth, its more cyclical. In some cases we go through several of those stages all at once. Then as time goes on we realize that the pain we felt is replaced by love. We remember the happy and joyful times. We go on with our lives with the person not without them. They become part of us. Every action, we do is in honor and memory of the beloved who died.

Love is also energy. Energy never dies. It may diminish and lessen but it still exists. Often I will have my clients close their eyes and imagine their loved ones. The imagination is powerful. We can viscerally feel our beloved next to us if we can allow our egos and logical minds to step aside. Rabbinic Pastor Dr.Simcha Raphael writes that when a beloved dies they enter the next room. We are only separated by a window,

Finally, God provides that love. When we are disconnected from the Divine source we feel anxious, sad, angry, and fearful When we open ourselves to the Divine source, we can feel ourselves expanding and breathing easier. That is healing!

If I can help you get to that place of healing, please contact me at crlerner09@gmail.com.